So you think you can dance? Really? Looking like that?
OMG! Is that a polo neck I see underneath your ankle-length trench coat. Are you sure your invite doesn’t say something like ‘Mass at 9′. I’m convinced that whoever said ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover’ was not a woman. They are all judging us by our covers. Scratch that illusion that the club is a place to be yourself, it’s where you go to catch someone’s eye. In the Plus Size Attire book, a successful night at the club is measured by;
- There were tears in your mirror’s eyes as you walked by
- You did not pour out of your clothes and no buttons popped out
- No less than three men stared at you with lust in their eyes (lol) and none of them offered you cash
- Their girlfriends almost threw their glass at you
Angelina, Deidre, Jane, whatever your name is; I regret to tell you that you’re going to look good tonight at the club whether you like it or not. And damnit you’re going to have fun. Ditch the Mumu and Nike ensemble unless it’s a costume party. Here’s what you’re rocking tonight;
THE DRESS
First things first, if it’s anywhere near the ankle, it’s too long. You’re not picking a habit here ya know. A good dress will hide your problem spots and emphasize the parts of you that you love. If your legs make you cringe, wear a dress that hits below the knee. As a plus size woman, you’ve probably already realized that strapless ensembles will seldom make you look good, so unless you have ambitions to display the girls you’re better off picking some thick straps or sleeves on your dress. The sleeves will also come in handy if your underarms are having a bad night hanging and all.
Pick a dress that clings but is not tight enough to cut off your air supply. Stretch fabrics work really well. Try different prints to make your look even more zesty and if all else fails the black dress is always a favorite.
Blanca Wrap Dress
Outlet : Monif C, Voluptuous Vixen, Torrid
Customer Service: Monif C (Manhattan) is every big girl’s dream which is why they were all there I suppose. Everyone who is not anorexic was in there. Its just lucky that the store has a really good layout. The assistants were helpful, professional and really enthusiastic. The choices in dresses inspire a bout of impulse buying. Between the range of colors, style and fit, I’ll be surprised if you don’t come out lugging more shopping bags that you expected. I especially loved their wrap dresses.
Online : MonifC.com; Torrid.com
Price : $190 – $235
Customer Reviews: 5
SOME DENIM
Unless there’s a dress code and the snooty Maitre’d absolutely insists on the fabric, I’m a true fan of anything denim for the club. It’s extremely comfortable and it comes in a whole range of style, from flared to straight leg, boot-cut to cropped. And let’s not forget the skinny. Who says plus-sized women can’t pull the skinny. As long as you wear them with either heels or boots, you go girl. Just make sure they are not overly baggy or too tight (muffin-top alert). I’m partial to dark jeans because they hide a lot of things that even the gym can’t fix.
Torrid Sophia Blue
Outlet : Torrid; Macy’s
Customer Service: I love Torrid, mainly because there are no judgmental stick figures salespeople and the clothes don’t make me feel like I really should start paying rent at the gym. The lady who helped me out was very helpful and personable. Before I knew it I was downloading data about my life like it was rain. If you’re a little older you may find the clothes a little bit young for your taste. On second thought that sounds like a good thing. Just to amuse myself I’m taking a skinny friend along on my next trip. Then they’ll know what it feels like to go into a shop with amazing clothes…and none of them fit you.
Online : Torrid Denim;
Price : $ 48 – $110
Customer Review: 4
MAYBE A PENCIL SKIRT
Christian Dior must have been ogling a curvy lady when he thought ‘Eureka…the pencil skirt’, and we here at Plus Size Attire thought ‘The better to flaunt our curves with’. The pencil skirt is chic, sleek and…drum rolls please…slimming. Get a skirt that is slim fitting but not so tight, you have to walk in baby steps. Pass on the buttons, belt loops or any extra frills. They’re just drama you don’t need. If you’re not pear shaped or a figure eight (lucky bitches), hide your bulging tummy by pairing it with a long top or a jacket. To up the zing, wear some fishnet stockings. What can I say…happy fishing.
Glen Plaid Pencil Skirt
Outlet : Lane Bryant; Addition Elle
Customer Service: Kudos to Lane Bryant for picking a location that is extremely convenient to public transport. The layout of the store and its organization was well done. I dread rush-hour in there because the staff were very few. However they were very pleasant and professional, they didn’t push products but instead provided just the right amount of information. The store has a good selection from conservative plaid pencils to the more risque leopard prints.
Online : Zappos.com; LaneBryant.com
Price : $35 – $150
Customer Reviews: 4
THE TOP
I’ll just go ahead and admit it right now, I’m a sucker for the whole shiny shimmery beady sequined shebang for the club. Something about disco-balls and flashing lights. But I know some of you are already sniffing at the bling. All you’ve got to know is that need to pick a color that is good for your complexion. If you have wide hips and a small waist, pastel tones will work wonders for you. Stay away from the bright colors and buttons. Now Wanda! Put your hands up and step away from the wide belt. Girl you know you’ve got a wide waist, the belt just makes you look like you’re about to launch a shot-put.
Kische Long Tee
Outlet : Voluptuous Vixen
Customer Service: This is a private boutique so you’ll be served by the owner. She was quite hospitable and the dressing rooms were quite spacious. The boutique had a good selection of good quality tops. The prices might be too high but you can’t put a price on dazzling.
Online : The Voluptuous Vixen.com;
Price : $70 – $150
Customer Review: 5